all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Is it penis luge time yet?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
