I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
