I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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