Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
