Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
