I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
