Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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