how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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