He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
