so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
