i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
