weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I forgot wine drunk hurts
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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