I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
