Pappa wants mamma naked
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
