White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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