yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
