he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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