i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
