Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
