filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
She tied me up with her honor cords...
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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