I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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