names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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