When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
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I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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