you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Randomize
