Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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