he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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