Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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