Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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