Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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