after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
