He passed out mid-signature
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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