so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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