your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
