And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
