someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
