Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize