Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Randomize
