I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
