dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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