I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
