Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
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just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
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I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
The ass gains better be worth it
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