Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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