i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
