I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
