Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
