Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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