Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Randomize
