so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.