i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
