I wish i was in the wii world.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
