i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
babies were throwing up all over the place
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
