he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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