We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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