i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
