we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
