I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
