News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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