Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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