this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
