she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
