While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
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I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
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At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.