I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....