Texts From Last Night

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  (661): View more from California

  What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife

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  (661): What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife http://tfl.nu/wigu
  Replies (16) Good night (2010) Bad night (684)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  VAGINAS EVERYWHERE

  (804): View more from Virginia

  they're staring at me

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  (804): VAGINAS EVERYWHERE (804): they're staring at me http://tfl.nu/jqj2
  Replies (6) Good night (1953) Bad night (750)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz

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  (313): mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz http://tfl.nu/kyga
  Replies (21) Good night (663) Bad night (1828)
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  (862): View more from New Jersey

  i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life

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  (862): i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life http://tfl.nu/57hm
  Replies (52) Good night (1156) Bad night (7133)
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.

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  (907): You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink. http://tfl.nu/mebb
  Replies (29) Good night (4513) Bad night (1236)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.

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  (702): Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily. http://tfl.nu/1vv1
  Replies (3) Good night (3620) Bad night (1001)
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  (941): View more from Florida

  Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?

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  (941): Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night? http://tfl.nu/uq24
  Replies (18) Good night (5468) Bad night (979)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.

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  (757): Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob. http://tfl.nu/c5bb
  Replies (14) Good night (1628) Bad night (696)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".

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  (920): watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro". http://tfl.nu/wzks
  Replies (9) Good night (964) Bad night (1174)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD

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  (724): Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD http://tfl.nu/rhmm
  Replies (4) Good night (1037) Bad night (761)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.

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  (508): Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada. http://tfl.nu/kq1p
  Replies (5) Good night (394) Bad night (895)
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.

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  (907): You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me. http://tfl.nu/qzmr
  Replies (6) Good night (1479) Bad night (549)
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?

  (1-802): View more from Vermont

  Why do you think I have a job?

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  (802): Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future? (1-802): Why do you think I have a job? http://tfl.nu/fsnx
  Replies (3) Good night (877) Bad night (387)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.

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  (503): You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life. http://tfl.nu/c63g
  Replies (2) Good night (299) Bad night (383)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?

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  (207): Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back? http://tfl.nu/xcai
  Replies (3) Good night (541) Bad night (202)

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