WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Dating After Heartbreak
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...