my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.