i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards