Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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