i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
