I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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