It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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