they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
