somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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