I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
