Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
