I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
