I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
