ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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