the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
