Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
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my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
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I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
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