I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
someone get that fucking seahorse.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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