you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
